What is a stage mom? A stage mom is a person who ensures her children achieve success by pushing, coercing, manipulating people who are in positions to make their dreams come true. Stage mothers ensure that their children have the best opportunities to succeed in their chosen field often whether the children themselves care or could care less.
They are in general terms, hell bent on getting their children to the forefront of their chosen field. Psychologically, Stage mothers live vicariously through their children. They feel that their stardom or success will be Achieved through their children. They see their children as extensions of themselves. Stage mothers push their children as if its them who should be getting the accolades, rewards, and notoriety.
Dance Moms
Dance moms is the perfect example of the good, bad and the ugly. Many of these pushy moms depicted in the television program, are shown In a detrimental light, in a way in which they push their children to the detriment of others.
The moms argue and bicker amongst themselves probably with the encouragement of the producers of the show. Demonstrating, it is them rather than their children seeking the accolades.
TapDancing History, The Greats, Costumes and Shoes
The show stars Abby Lee Miller the hard nosed, demanding, obviously very capable and talented dance coach. She has a same named dance company Abby Lee dance Company in Pittsburgh. The mothers’ in the show bicker and moan when their children don’t get solos and duets that they feel their child deserves.
It is interesting to note that they are self confessed stage mothers, most of them make no qualms about their pushy attitudes. Keep in mind that these mothers had to audition for the show as well, so no agreeable wall flowers were accepted.
Often times in the show the mothers antics cause the children to get frustrated and cry. But the mothers seem to care more about being right rather than self reflecting on their actual portrayal on the show..
Ballet Mothers
Ballet mothers have one of the worst reputations for being stage mothers. Ballet mothers tend to be more wealthy than other dance mothers or like to portray that image and look to ballet as a prestigious genre.
Ballet moms like other stage moms, push their children to become the most prestigious dancers around. Some have a reputation for poking their nose in where it’s not needed, from the costumes a child wears as to the skill of the dancer, to the prize money that they win. Of course most ballet moms are not like this, but the few that are tend to spoil for the rest.
What are the typical traits of a Stage Mom
- Overbearing
- Pushy
- Critical
- Judgemental
- Seeking the limelight for themselves through their children
- Constantly asking questions designed to reinforce their position
- Not trusting the instructor
- Not caring about the performance in general only that of their own child
- Not actually listening when a child expresses their own interests
- Questioning the artistry of the performance
- Constantly wanting the plum roles for their child
- Grandiose and arrogant attitude
Famous stage moms
Joan Crawford
John Crawford was an award winning, very talented motion movie actress from the 20s, 30s, 40s 50s and 60s. She was well known for playing complicated, sympathetic, and unsympathetic characters. Joan has starred in movies such as; Mildred Pierce where she won the Academy award for best acting.
However Joan is not known as the ‘mother of the year.’ She was an independent and formidable woman who it is alledge treated her own children badly.
She adopted four children during her lifetime. Her eldest daughter Christina Crawford wrote a memoir Called ‘Mommy Dearest’ based on her life as a child growing up with Joan Crawford. Christina Crawford depicts her mother as an abusive, sadistic alcoholic who often beat her and her brother.
When Christina was 27 she briefly became an actress on a day-time American soap, however during filming she fell ill and Joan said she’d fill the role herself. For few episodes Joan played the 25 year old character. Keep in mind that Joan was 60 at the time. Its an example of how the ego of a parent can get in the way of good judgement.
Dina Lohan mother of Lindsey lohan
Dina Lohan is mother to troubled actress Lindsey Lohan who has starred in many Hollywood movies as a child and adult. While managing her eldest daughter’s acting career she has also utilised Lindsey’s fame to launch her own career and celebrity status.
A former singer and dancer herself, Dina Lohan is well known for being heavily involved in Lindsey’s career since she was a child.
Dina has always claimed that she was formerly a Rockette for Radio City, but there is little evidence that this may have happened. Dina has also been featured in a number of other reality shows, including Big Bother in 2019. It seems that like daughter, mom enjoys the limelight too.
In 2008 Dina and her other daughter starred in a reality show called, ‘Living Lohan’, which followed a day in the life of a mother and daughter. Dina was one of the executive producers of the show. (executive producers normally find the money for the show).
Unfortunately for Dina and Lindsey, both have featured prominently in the media for breaking the law. Lindsey by having a car crash while under the influence and also a separate charge of assault. Dina also has a rap sheet of driving under the influence as well as a hit and run charge.
Kris Jenner
Kris Jenner from the reality television show Keeping Up with the Kardashians is arguably the brain behind the Kardashian enterprise. She is highly influential and integral to their success by producing shows and managing her daughters’ careers.
Jenner has stated that she wanted to make sure her kids were a success and didn’t have to worry about money. She herself had trouble financially after leaving her well known lawyer husband Robert Kardashian. She said she was basically penniless and vowed to make a success of her and her children’s lives, which is often a motivator to become a momager.
Jenner sets up campaings and sponsorship deals for her adult children where she takes a 10% commission.
It has to be asked whether the adult Kardashian tribe would have made such a success of their brand if it wasn’t for their determined momager (which Kris coined).
Her children are arguably some of the most wealthy self made siblings in Hollywood and Jenner was the main instigator in their success. But where does momager end and self determination begin for the adult children?
Will mom and children be forever tied together as a family in business? And does it really matter to them anyway? Only time will tell if this is a wise business deal made in family heaven, or a tell all book waiting to happen.
Judy Garland‘s mother Ethel Gumm, did everything in her power to make sure that her girls became a successful singing sibling group.
Ethel managed her children’s lives since they were children by lining up performances and auditions for which they garnered some success, but particularly Judy.
In their early years, they performed in vaudeville shows and later performed in more prominent venues and on television as ‘The Garlands.’
Hollywood producers took a shine to Judy as a child and she starred in many Hollywood movies. Her most well known movie as a child was called The Wizard of Oz where the 14/15 year old was forced to take pills ( amphetamines) to keep her awake during filming and downers help her sleep at night.
Her mother Ethel in line with studio executives held strict control over her medication and food intake. These practices gave rise to cause Garland becoming addicted to drugs and be obsessed with her weight until her death at 46 in London.
The mother of Paris Hilton, Kathy Hilton is a very wealthy socialite. Kathy was known around California helping Paris to find ways to move into show business.
Paris is well known for her television program with sidekick Nicole Ritchie, ‘The Simple Life’ 2007. She has been a socialite, starred in B rated movies and sung unremarkable pop songs. But she was literally known around the world for being famous.
Paris was found guilty of a number of driving related felonies and one of cocaine possession where she ended up spending a few weeks in jail in 2010. Kathy was quoted as saying; ” This is a joke,” a statement quoted just after her daughter Paris went to jail.
However Kathy Hilton managed to set up Paris’s release by orchestrating it as a major media and photographic event. Paris was supported by her family, interviewed by top names in the media and of course worshipped by the public at large. Paris could still do no wrong.
If mothers or fathers treat their children’s failings as a business opportunity , it stands to reason why these grown people as grown children have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions.
It’s Who you know not What you know
Mothers who stagemanage their children’s careers come from all walks of life, but in the following cases, actual Hollywood stars have participated in illegal activity to do so.
We are talking about mothers with their own stars and success who are active within the industry. ‘Full House’ actress Lori Loughlin and Felicity Huffman from the ‘Desperate Housewives’ television series, have both been charged with felony crimes.
What did these stage mothers do? Lori Bribed officials to allow her two adult children social media stars Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose Giannullig to gain ain entry into the University of Southern California by fraud.
Felicity Huffman also bribed officials for her child to gain entry to a chosen college and got caught by the FBI. They were both perpetrators of the College Admission Bribery Scandal.
Even though Olivia Jade was attending The University of California, she did mention that she didn’t care for college anyway. She also stated that her father (famous clothing designer for mozzimo) also cheated his way through college. This probably would explain her nonchalant attitude once her mother was indicted.
Two very wealthy families with their own success in their own right, made the deliberate decision to cheat the system to ensure that their children attended the college of choice. This was a colossal mistake as both women have been charged with Felony crimes. Huffman was convicted In 2019 and fined $30,000 which is probably a drop in the bucket for her, but she’s probably hit a nail into her own career coffin. She also had to spend time in jail.
Loughlin is looking at a longer sentence and probably heftier fine.
Virtues of having a stage mother
The virtues of having a stagemother can be wide and varied. Having someone in your court and pushing for your best interests, can work in your favour in a number of ways. It can pay off handsomely when skills and talents are recognised enough to earn a living and or gain a degree of fame.
Infact many stars have come to recognise favourably the input their stagmother had with their careers. Shirley Temple recognised her mother by stating that she appreciated her support and ability to push her.
How to Develop A Good Relationship with Your talented child in the Industry?
- Develop a positive relationship with your child outside of show business. Embark on activities completely unrelated to their industry.
- Make sure all children are highlighted in some way. Recognise siblings efforts, skills and talents in other areas.
- Ensure show business is what your child wants to pursue whether professionally or otherwise.
- Be sociable with other parents, but don’t gaggle, gossip and judge other people or other people’s kids, especially when they are in the room. You never know who knows who in the industry, so it’s best if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.
- When dropping your kid off to an audition don’t try and tell the casting agent how to do their job. They are the expert in the room not you so you. You may get a bad reputation If you are too pushy and your child may miss out on a plum role in the future.
- When dropping a kid off on an audition, go away for awhile. Go and get a cup of coffee or a cup of tea and wait until the audition is over.
- Ask your child how what they thought of the process, don’t make a big deal out of it. Try not to put down your child even if you think they did a bad job.
- Don’t be a spoilsport if you child misses out on a role. Don’t email the casting directors that they missed a great opportunity to have your child in the main role. Your child missed out on the role because they weren’t right for the role or someone else right for the role.
- Try not to be the overbearing mama bear. Don’t assume that your kid does no wrong and that the problem is with a cast member, director or choreographer. The issue could very well be that your child isn’t getting on with someone and he or she is manipulating the situation in their favor. Yes this happens.
What about stage fathers?
There are a number of stage fathers who also push, yell, and criticize their children to achieve success. Some of these fathers are as follows;
Will Smith successful Hollywood actor and father to actor and singer Jayden and his daughter Willow. Willow admitted that during her time as a child singing ‘Whip My Hair’ which featured high in the UKand US charts, that she had a difficult time with her father Will pushing his ideas and not listening to her wants.
Willow felt not listened to and not cared about so she started to self harm trying to grapple with fame being very young in the industry.
She is currently in a good space and is working on her own projects at her own pace. Will Smith stepped back in lightened up a bit and they now have a very good relationship.
Kit Culkin the father of Macaulay Culkin star of Home Alone, was a controlling, and demanding stage father telling movie producers how things should run in the movie.
Kit started with small demands and later threatened producers if they didn’t use Macaulay in a paricular film then he was withdrawing him from the sequel to Home Alone.
McCaulay himself stated that he had hardly read the full scripts for his movies himself but was told by his father what he expected day after day. He Said that it was basically a machine.
Macaulay emancipated himself from his father’s control which meant that Kit had no right to the earnings he made, or what was left. It also meant that he couldn’t control what was left of his earnings once he turned 18.
His Younger brother Kieran was also groomed for the business. It wasn’t until he was 20 years of age that he realised that he could make the decision whether to take a role or not and he realised he did not want to be an actor after all and left.
In conclusion
Stage mothers and stage fathers are everywhere within the performance industry. Many child actors have made a wonderful living from their start as a child performer. However with fame and fortune at such young ages often with parents required tight control to manage their children, it can sometimes come at a cost.
Often relationships are tested and found wanting. Negative experiences can give rise to drug, alcohol and drug addiction.
Without stagemothers and fathers, would our entertainment be any more richer, one can only guess. Still inspite of the endulgent parent, we do have some wonderful performers in our midsts.
